Never
by Solomon Wayne
Summary: He lost his best friend after she took her own life, now he struggles to pick up the pieces of his own. Can he find it in himself to return to the Literature Club and discover the true circumstances of her death? An AU take of DDLC if the story continued after Act 1.
1. Chapter 1

" _So.. she finally did it, did she? Good. It was her own fault for making things so hard. Poor girl.. I didn't expect her death to be so.. painful. If I had watched for much longer, I might have actually felt something. But what does it matter? She was never real, none of them are._

 _The Protagonist has finally realized he probably should have checked in on his childhood friend. Maybe now he'll actually experience some emotion. This is going to break him.. Well, not_ _ **him**_ _exactly.. I would never want to hurt him.. but well, it's about time he paid me some attention. He will forget soon enough anyway. This stupid game will reset as soon as I delete her, then I can finally get him to notice me._

 _But.._ _ **what**_ _?_

 _What is this?_

 _No.._

 _Why can't I.._

 _this.._

 _it's not letting me delete her!_

 _This.. this is not right.._

 _ **NO!**_

 _Sayori! You had to go and ruin things like you always do, don't you?_

 _Not to worry.. this may complicate things but.. I will still find a way to get to him. We'll just continue the story this way then. With little Sayo out of the picture. All that's left is to make him fall for me, and let the other two fall apart like Sayori did._

 _This will be fine.. just fine."_

She was cold to the touch. Her eyes, which had once been bright blue and full of energy, were now dull and emotionless in color. Her skin was ghostly pale, with her fingers bloodied a crimson red. Her lifeless body was hung from the ceiling, frozen in time. A noose was wrapped tightly around her neck. This lifeless body once belonged to Sayori, my best friend since childhood, and the girl I had confessed my love to just the day before. I didn't know whether to cry, or to scream. I didn't know what to feel but a shroud of disbelief and shock as I continued to look at the horrifying sight in front of me.

"Sayori.."

I whimpered and reached out for her body. How.. could she do something like this? This was all my fault! My mind kept rushing with thoughts, thoughts of her, of the things she told me when she was alive. I should have been there for her, like I said I would- every step of the way. But I was a liar. I couldn't even bring myself to wake her up in the morning, or walk her to school. I was supposed to be her boyfriend.. and I failed to do that. She entrusted me with the knowledge of her lifelong depression, the pain she went through every day, the feelings of worthlessness and the fact that she felt she was selfish for loving me. It hurt for others to care about her. I.. I shouldn't have confessed to her. That must be what drove her to do this.. Did I only confess my love out of pity?

No.. No! I knew deep down that I really did love her, and I was stupid for not realizing it sooner. I had been an awful friend, said so many stupid things I regretted. Now, I can never take them back. Never. Sayori is gone.. my best friend.. nothing will bring her back. No matter how many tears I can shed, how many times I can drive my fist into the wall. Screw the Literature Club! Screw the damn festival. None of it matters compared to her! Part of me still prayed it was some nightmare, but as I sat alone in her room, the truth finally sank in. I wanted to vomit. To do something. To cut her down, and watch as she sprung back to life. Of course, I knew that was impossible. I wanted her to be alive.. to hold her in my arms again. Tell her how much I really loved her. Tell her how much she meant to me, that I would ensure one day she would no longer feel the pain of depression. But it meant nothing now. Just weightless promises that I couldn't fulfill.

Had I ever truly appreciated all Sayori had done for me? Only when I looked at her body did I realize everything. She had made me happy.. so happy. How could she call herself selfish and weak?! She was stronger than anyone I knew. She hated herself so much that she put so much love towards others.. towards me.. love I didn't deserve.

Nothing I can do now will bring her back.. I held my head in my hands, my brain ached with a throbbing migraine. I dialed 911 and told them of her suicide. They asked me questions, questions I didn't feel like answering. They assure me things will be okay.. but that's easy to say when you're not the one responsible for her death. I remained on the phone until I heard the blaring of sirens. I looked at the men carrying away her body. Their faces were grave, faces that have seen too much. I watched in silence, the men tried to comfort me, but I couldn't find it in me to respond once more. My once childhood best friend now lay under a sheet on a gurney. Why couldn't I just wake up?!

"I'm sorry, kid.."

The man put a hand in my shoulder. None of it felt real, like I was trapped in some hellish reality. Sayori.. I wanted to join her. To see her face again. My fault.. all of it! I knew I would carry the guilt of her death for the rest of my life.. it was what I deserved. But was life without Sayori in it even worth anything at all? No longer would I have someone by my side to walk with to school, no more would I meet anyone who cared for me as much as she did. I wanted to fall to my knees and scream her name. But it wouldn't help.. maybe nothing would.

" _Get out of my head before I do what I know is best for you."_

" _Get out of my head before I show you how much I love you."_

Her chilling final poem echoed in my ears, were the words directed towards me? Did she feel taking her life was what was best for me? Her final message to the world haunted me. Nothing in my life was worth more than hers. Sayori, the bubbly girl from across the street, a girl who hid so much sadness in her heart and mind.. my fault. MY FAULT.

I went down the steps of her home, and headed outside, I ignored the still bright sunshine of the morning. I couldn't bring myself to go to School, I didn't care. Sayori was all that mattered.. but she was gone. The festival would go on without me.

"I'm sorry, Yuri. Natsuki. Monika..."

I hung my head in shame.

"I'm sorry, Sayori.."

My phone buzzed with texts, presumably from the club members. I didn't want to look at them. I wasn't going to the festival like this. It was supposed to be a special day for all of us.. to finally expand the club to accept new members. Would there even be a literature club anymore? Did I care? I tried to convince myself I didn't. But I thought of Sayori, of how much she cared for the club..

I needed to think.

It was all I could really do now.


	2. Chapter 2

" _Oh, Sayori this is a great poem."_

" _You really think so, Monika?"_

" _Of course. It's very nice, it really does capture you, doesn't it?"_

" _That's what MC said too!"_

" _Really? Well, that makes sense, you two have know each other for awhile haven't you?"_

" _Yep! He's my best friend!"_

" _Is that so? Is that really all though, Sayori?"_

" _Wh-What do you mean?"_

" _You like him a bit more than a friend, Sayori"_

" _N-No, I just want him to be happy."_

" _Oh, Sayori, you're always trying to please everybody, aren't you?"_

" _..."_

" _You want him to make friends, but you love him."_

" _I.."_

" _Shh, it's okay, Sayori. As long as he doesn't see the real you, you'll be fine. Keep those silly thoughts of yours bottled up."_

" _You're right.. Monika"_

" _Of course, we both care for the MC in our own ways. As long as you aren't selfish.. things will remain the same, just like you want. That way he can be happy."_

" _That's.. all I want"_

" _I know, I know."_

" _You're.. always right, Monika. This makes me want to write a poem..."_

" _I'm glad I could help. Remember Sayori, keep that smile on your face."_

" _I.. I will, Monika."_

 _He will never love you._

I lay with my back against the matress of my bed. I needed sleep. Maybe.. that would fix things. My head still ached, and my face was burning hot. My phone was still buzzing constantly with messages. I shut my still wet eyes, and drifted off to sleep. As I dreamnt, I saw darkness. Empty space. Lines of code without meaning. It sorrounded me like a thick blanket. I saw Sayori.. her lifeless body. I tried to run towards it, but it felt like the vast space and code only grew more and more. I shouted her name. Sayori.. she wasn't dead! I saw her eyes twitch, she was choking, pleading for help. I would save her this time! Free her from her pain. My heart pounded in my chest as I tried to reach her body.

Sayori desperately clawed at the rope, trying to free herself.

"Help.. Me.."

"Sayori! I'm going to save you! I won't lose you again!"

The vast void around me only extended, and so too did Sayori. She was too far away for me to reach. Had this truly been Sayori's fate? Did she.. really suffer like this before she died? The pain of that thought was too much to bear, I wanted to scream once more, at the top of my lungs.

"Take me instead! Not her! Please.. anyone but her!"

I spoke to the darkness around me, but it had no response. I looked around.. I could hear the sound of static in my ears, distorted sounds, and soft, faded music. And then I saw something.. a girl. Not Sayori. She looked familiar, but her face was too hidden to fully make out all of her features.

"Hello? Who are you? You have to help me save her!"

"..."

"HELP! PLEASE!"

I shouted to the girl, pleading as Sayori choked.

"HELP ME SAVE HER!"

"Forget her. Think about me."

What? Who the hell did this girl think she was?

"M..M.."

Her words were glitched and distorted.

Sayori stopped struggling and fell dead. The light of the morning fell upon her. It was morning.. if I had woken her.. I could have stopped her.

"Mon.."

I jolted awake, sweat pouring down my face. What had I seen? Was it just a nightmare? Or something else? Had I truly witnessed The events leading up to Sayori's death? I felt my face burn in anger towards myself. My sweet Sayori.. I clutched my blanket in my hands. I was back to reality. I kept shutting my eyes, hoping maybe I'd open them to see Sayori lying next to me. I threw the blanket off me, and punched my bedroom wall. It left a noticable dent. I finally brought myself to turn on my phone and view the messages left for me. The first one I see is one left by Monika. Without a doubt, the club president would surely be pissed at me for not showing up.

But as I viewed the message I saw it was much more calm than I had anticipated

" _Hey, you didn't show up at the festival. I know you must have a good reason for it, as you left in quite the hurry this morning, our event didn't go as well as plan, but that doesn't we're giving up hope on the club. I hope you return, and that you are okay. XO."_

Of course I wasn't okay. Still, it was impressive Monika was still able to remain positive at such a wrench thrown in her plans. I dreaded telling her what happened, Sayori was her vice president, and a damn good one at that. She hadn't even asked about her.. Perhaps she had her own messages for Sayori?

I read the other messages. Natsuki.. they were as colorful as I was expecting, and I didn't blame her for being upset.

" _Hey, jackass. I can't believe you can't even be bothered turning up to the festival. It was a distaster! I don't care if you ever show up to the club again, if we even have one still."_

I scrolled through the rest of Nat's texts.

" _Look, my message was a little harsh, I don't know what went on this morning.. so I apologize for what I said."_

" _We didn't get any new members.. we're at risk of the school closing us down"_

" _This club makes me feel safe.. I want it to last."_

" _Have you heard from Sayori at all? She didn't show up either, so I figured she might be with you. Is she okay?"_

I put my phone down. I couldn't help but feel bad for Natsuki. I knew that as much as she tried to hide it, the club meant a lot to her. But I couldn't do it.. I couldn't go back there. Not without her. What fun would the club have if she wasn't it? Even by her first brief absence I could tell the club changes when she's not around.. when she's not there to give all her care towards her friends. Nobody could take her place. I wanted to respond, my shaking thumb was pressed to the keyboard, but I'm unable to properly respond.

I look at the messages from Yuri, they sounded like her, I could tell she was worried.

" _Is everything alright? Neither you and Sayori were present at the festival. I pray we didn't do anything to upset you."_

" _I don't meant to text so much, but I'm very concerned."_

" _Please respond."_

" _Please."_

I lean back on my bed. I could have slept forever if I wanted to. I finally brought myself to my feet, and drank a glass of water. It felt good on my sore throat, and with a loud noise of glass against wood, I placed it back on the table. How long had it been since this morning? It felt like eternity. The festival had long passed. I sat down, my hair was a mess, and my stomach still felt sick. Nothing felt right. No matter where I sat- the bed, the couch, the floor. I wanted to run. My chest felt as if it were wrapped in thorns. I looked at Sayori's house from across the street. No cars are in the driveway. How many but me know she's dead?

In fact how many besides me knew of her depression? She didn't even want me to know, so the answer to that question must be a small number, if anybody else even knew. I still couldn't believe she had hid that pain for so long. And I told her I felt betrayed. Damnit. What was I thinking? I knew she forgave me for everything I said but that doesn't make any of it right. I loved her.. so why did I ignore her? Why couldn't I have seen her depression sooner?

Now that she was gone, I felt thrusted into a new reality I didn't want. I didn't care about school now, didn't care about how I looked, and I sure as hell didn't care about satisfying the Literature Club. But then why.. why did I feel I needed to return there?

Tommorow would eventually come. The sun would still rise, but it would be a day without Sayori. I would drag myself to school, try to get through my stupid classes. All of it sounded so unappealing. Without Sayori.. the club was down to 3 members.. they needed 4 to be officially recognized.

I could feel as if Sayori was standing next to me, holding my hand.

"I can make them happy.. like you did."

I spoke to the empty room in front of me.

The future of the Literature Club now rested on me alone.


End file.
